In lieu of my recent surgery, I’m making a list of things that I can’t do now so I can look back on this and appreciate them
- Shoes. Since bending over doesn’t happen right now, I cannot put on shoes that are not these horrendous pink slippers that belong to my mom. I loathe them and want them to go away.
- Not coughing. JESUS CHRIST, seriously. Coughing sucks normally, but when you have three cuts in your abdomen and have to cough to expel excess air in your body, IT HURTS.
- Food. Oh my god, I’ve never wanted to eat everything so much. And Thanksgiving was horrible because I got the smallest amount of turkey my bruised stomach could handle. Not. Fair.
- Sleeping. I have to sleep on my back like I’m in a coffin and this is not enjoyable. Make it stop now.
- Not having to see my own blood. One of my bandages is covered in blood and I have to look at it a lot.
- Not being orange. Another weird thing. But this stuff they put on my body to sterilize where they operated turned me Oompa Loompa colored. I thought it was just some stuff I could wash off…Turns out it’s not. I’m dyed. Yay.
- Moving in general. I like being able to get out of bed by myself. Yesterday, I got my feet out of bed and didn’t have the abdominal power to lift myself up without pain, so I had to call my mom from downstairs. Embarrassing
So yes, future Megan, this is your second day post-op and you already hate it this much. Remember this the next time you’re in minor pain like stubbing your toe or something.